Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in 75_bones' LiveJournal:

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Friday, February 27th, 2009
4:26 am	up late again from drinking coffee late at night. I'm very proud of myself for keeping up my workout regime. i tend to rip on myself for not being that healthy, but when i worked out with a friend tonight, she was huffing and puffing as i breezed along. so it looks like a few weeks of cardio helped at least my heart and lungs if not my waist. stopping now. john can't sleep for clicky keys. excited about matt's visit. happy to see thomas...goodmorning (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 9th, 2008
5:40 am	There's a lot this evening........... TO SAY!!!!!!   Obviously I'm OVERJOYED about Obama's win. That's that.I mean finally. I wept because I know a lot of people died for my right to vote, and even more died for his right to funtction in society as a free brown man. LET ALONE BE PRESIDENT FUCK YES!!!!!!!! today I had a long debate about gay marriage on facebook. To me, it's a non-issue. A- it's a person's right, regardless of what a bible might say. B- fuck no, animals do not count, you lame-ass fundie. Eat a dick-huhthank you. *takes a bow* I was able to be a little more generous than this in the debate, (right now am alcoholizeingly open and honest) but unless there's a band of marauding gays fucking your husband up the ass, I don't want to hear about how they're compromising your marriage. They are human, they are cool. One is my brother, so fuck you, yes they can get married. What the fuck rock do you live up under where you don't know any upstanding gay folks who want to commit? Chomp a Chode if you're not down. Eventually everyone will be cool with it since it's natural, and it will be legal. It might take a little time tho. That came out mean, but if you don't like gays settling down. Cain't have my vote son. (SERIOUSLY FUCKING W007 ABUT OBAAAAMAAAAA!!!!!!!!11!!!!1!!!!!) I definitely enjoyed my day today. Ive been feeling girlie. Today was a culmination in that. When I drink, I feel extra girlie. and if I'm near a comprooter, I look up shoes and handbags....with my wallet at a great distance for security. Also, accessories. Mother o' god.   Augh, I smell like rum. I need to run and sweat it out tomorrow. I'm so proud of matt for a hundred things, one being his committment to exercize. My spelling is atrocious tonight.   I'm thinking about several things. Visitiing matt in ATL so I can hang with him, also, find presents for John he wont' expect. (Fancy wine, his thang). Also. Thinking about an extreme hair change. to boost confidence and celebrate a weight loss I'm desperately trying to hang onto during the holidays (and accelerate thereafter.) This weight loss tho, won't change how I see my face.....I've got to find a reason to love my face soon since it's not going anywhere. Eventually I have to get to that point. Also, I love today playing hostess with John. We're a good team.   To all those who are one half of a good team: you'll get there. Just be patient and kind. (Admittedly, I wasn't kind in my diatribe against "fundies" earlier. But I'm hotheaded about social politics. So that's how I roll.   MOST GOOD NIGHT. SLEEP GOOD TIME NIGHT.         (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 19th, 2008
6:43 pm	For chris's book meme. Grab the nearest book. * Open the book to page 56. * Find the fifth sentence. * Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions. * Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST Mine follows:   "Remember kids, " he tells them sternly. "Don't shoot each other. Aim at the fragile, expensive stuff."  This is really it! I know I went way over the limit. I'm sitting right next to my bf's bookshelf at such an angle that I could only reach House of Leaves. It's wider and more reachable than all the other titles on the shelf. It's also by accident the probably hippest cool cat book on that shelf . Since i'm sitting in my chair next to a bookshelf, I gave myself the added challenge of "not taking either butt-cheek off my chair" to reach the book. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
5:44 am	----keeps talking about such big things, i don't know what to do.i can't mean what i say much anymore.  I decided to forgive everyone and  me. all of you. i keep thinking i want a little place to be by  myself. i'm never by myself. but i make it that way. housebroken loved atlanta, wept at the sound, of all that love and all that fun loved matt, couldn't let him see me weep at his beauty   but i love this time of my life and of season because it's an in-between time. I've never been more sure that i love not knowing whats up. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 19th, 2007
4:43 am	I can't decide I'm  wondering how the hell this stuff keeps happening to me. Charles is gonna flip his shit. Oh man. Let's hope I can get all my geico shit together in time....if not....oh well. I'll apply somewhere else. Back to work. (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 10th, 2007
8:22 pm	Golf Was so fun today! It really was a blast. I wasn't bad either! we used my shot a few times. hurrah!  (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 4th, 2007
11:57 pm	Withdrawl. I just saw austins sched. on his livejournal. i miss things like that, being in the know, being someone who gets to hear life's laundry lists first, or really, at all.  My bones ache like the flu. My eyes are dried out. Now I miss my castmates too. (Comment on this)
Friday, October 26th, 2007
4:30 pm	Making bad habits work for you. I still can't think of a kick-ass Halloween costume. I meet lovely lovely boys (men really) who are married. Perhaps I will meet the seedling of one of these men and marry him myself one day. I know whatever happens, I'm going to be okay. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 24th, 2007
5:30 pm	dented = cheaper I feel like when I go to a job interview, or try to begin a relationship, that I am bringing them something that broke in the car on the way there.  It doesn't matter that I was such an academic rockstar in high school. Something in the foundation has cracked completely. I've lost my mettle. I don't feel this way all the time, only when I have to prove myself to someone. (Comment on this)
Friday, October 19th, 2007
1:23 pm	My little heart is Over load ed.   I'm losing weight again, and I get dude attention when I do that. Which will be nice but it's like walking into a noisy place suddenly, there's so much to filter. (Not that I'm all arrogant that every dude will be all up ons, but going from no people hitting on you to even a few is like...two or three times as much traffic.) I just don't know how to work relationships and I really don't think that anyone does but I especially don't. I have trouble telling people no, or filtering when I'm just not interested.  But I feel better today, sometimes all you need is a good old fashioned make-out with someone you knew in middle school.  What the hell people.....what the hell.  (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 18th, 2007
1:10 am	The softest bullet ever shot. New day baby. I feel good for no reason. I love being in my show and it makes me happy and uncomfortable I don't feel like punctuation with the words today. Tired. Love to try. Thinking of all kinds of things to try.  (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 9th, 2007
11:26 pm	Crocktoberfest. Crocktober That was a mistake. I can't believe it's already October. I just applied to a job in Atlanta. Maybe living in the big city sometime will pick up my spirits and distract me. I can't believe my heart is still so broken. I'm so disappointed in myself. But maybe now that my resume is in order I can spread it like fluffy dandy seeds to the wind and watch my monies bloom and grow forever. I miss a happiness that I don't think i really ever had. I'm kidding myself to think that life was ever more beautiful than it is now. I keep stringing myself up on boys and distractions of the heart. Elijah was right in that I think love of going to make me feel better. I just need to feel better on my own. I love my friends, even though I mistreat them. I love that they still love me. And I certainly love my ol' brudda. I have to be more selective. Those are the words for the week: Value Selection Confidence Excellence. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
1:23 am	Furious! Over bread and trespasses agin' me. Well I don't miss me either. Current Mood: furious! (Comment on this)
Monday, May 14th, 2007
10:38 pm	it's so much worse when you realize all those sweet things you smell aren't for you. I'm in a part of georgia that isn't on fire. i think that's cause for celebacy...i mean....celebration. Current Mood: grown up Current Music: a ringtone would be nice (Comment on this)
Friday, March 10th, 2006
3:54 pm	fwiggin papuwr my paper so i don't have to email it from a mac. bluh!!! Maxine Hong Kingston, in her short story “No Name Woman” describes the story of a woman trapped within traditional Chinese culture. A time in which women are supposed to be at once unyielding to temptation and unquestioningly obedient to the wishes of their culture, their family and the men in charge of their every move and response. Yet although the culture is dominated by a male grasp, the women in a community often ratify and support the cruelest forms of discrimination and oppression among young women; older family or community members perpetuate a sense of a woman’s “place” and carry out traditional actions like binding of the feet, or, as is true in many modern American families I have come into contact with, simply not allowing young girls the small freedoms that their brothers enjoy. Kingston relates the story of her deceased aunt, a sister of her father who died as though she never lived. Women occupy a strange seat in cultures of the world, at once considered fragile and yielding to hormonal changes, these “heavy, deep rooted women were to maintain the past against the flood, safe for returning.” “heart-catching tangles” “It brushed the backs of my knees,” my mother tells me. “It was braided, and even so it brushed the backs of my knees.” “I hope that the man my aunt loved appreciated a smooth brow, that he wasn’t just a tits-and-ass man.” “She looked at a man because she liked the way the hair was tucked behind his ears, or she liked the question-mark line of a long torso curving at the shoulder and straight at the hip. For warm eyes or a soft voice or a slow walk--that’s all--a few hairs, a line, a brightness, a sound, a pace, she gave up family.” Not surprising since the family connection between elders and daughters was tenuous if lines of conduct were crossed. “You must not tell anyone,” my mother said, “what I am about to tell you.” Kingston in the very telling of this story is breaking a kind of covenenant to her mother, and at the same time validating a life lost completely to a family structure that is usually deeply concerned with preserving ancestors. She is fulfilling her duty to her earthen presence as well as asserting herself as a modern thinker by choosing not to condemn her aunt. “when I went for the water, I found her and her baby plugging up the family well.” “Chinese Americans, when you try to understand what things in you are Chinese, how do you separate what is peculiar to childhood, to poverty, insanities, one family, your mother, who marked your growing with stories (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 9th, 2006
2:08 am	i been laughin ever since i fell such a good time weekend. i felt like we're closer than ever. so it makes a much much smaller dent when things that used to bother me resurface. my body is close to being what i would like. i don't weigh 300 pounds. i can do it. i feel this itch to go to the uc and get on a machine for two hours. it's hormonal, but also the hiking this weekend and the dance training is making me more health concious. i can probably change the amount of food i eat, and i can sustain some choices in foods, but i am at my core, a fatkid. skidaway is pretty. camping is so nice. and cheap!at first cold, then nice! austin really is the sweetest boy in existence. kudos to the man for footing a lot(all) of the bill. what is up with old people and RVs? we saw some people who had pretty much buses that reminded me of the tour buses rockstars have with the pull-out sides. huuuge. i could really go around the country with a little tent staying at state parks for 20$ a night. that would be sweet. if it's like the one at skidaway! the place had a washer and dryer at the comfort zone we were next to. and clean showers. peeamp! so recap- i love my boyfriend, my strong(and fat-covered) abs, and camping is cool. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 30th, 2005
5:00 pm	I feel like like maybe I'm not that impressive (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
7:17 pm	I have never done one! This was on Kelly's livejournal which I stalker read since I've only met her like once, but she seems REALLY cool! 1. When you have zits, do you pop them or leave them alone? I wait for it to come to the surface, and bother the hell out of it. I will also pop yours for you if we are tight like that.(we have GOT to be tight like that tho.) 2. Do you like the taste of alcohol? Yeah, I like it more after I have had some drinks that include alcohol but don't taste like it. As the drinking wears on, I like it more and more. 3. Do you read in the bathroom? Uh, yeah not as much at school, I can't take like a leisurely poop. But what I don't do is have sex in the shower, by God. 4. Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone else? I like sleeping with Austin a LOT. Really just hardcore snugglin' in just the right way and sleepin' it up. And I really like how snuggly my bed here has been, the blanket combo is perfect. 5. Do you have any plans made for any upcoming events? this is a vague ass question. I want to go to washington DC to protest Judge Alito taking away women's rights(abortion) and affirmative action. I am planning to quit at SGH, I am planning to make better grades as a result. I am planning to start talking to a counselor. I am planning to go on a fast for a while. 6. Do you wash your hair or body first in the shower? usually hair. sometimes I wash my body WITH my hair. 7. What do you do when you first wake up? look over at the cell phone. set the alarm for five minutes later than it currently is, and fall asleep again. maybe go pee. i don't have a set wake up ritual other than sleeping more. if i'm not alone, mess around with m'man and grope him while he's sleeping. Hahaha. 8. Do you prefer to sleep when you're hot, or cold? Oh shit, when it's cold outside. A bed can be miserable when it's hot. But I kinda like waking up from a nap all feverish and sweaty. that's a weird feeling. 9. What one singer/band can you not stand whatsoever? oh wow, i used to hate modest mouse, but they cool. I don't like nickelback, or any annoying sub-par kid singing it up with the PA too loud at your local coffeeshop or restaurant. turn that shit down! (I'm so old.) 10. What do you want for Christmas? An iPod! Not really, but I crave one. Motivation. To finish all my work. Time to do art. New undawear. A new job. To learn to knit. 11. When you see someone cry, does it make you want to cry also? I don't want to cry with them usually. I don't like to be paid attention to when I cry, so I tend to make sure they aren't throwing up or dying and let them dry up, unless they look like they are positioned to indicate wanting to cry in my shoulder. then that's cool too. I'm usually the one that cries. 12. If you could marry anybody, who would you marry and why? Your Dad, then you would have to do what I say. Now go wash the damn dishes and fix me some tea. With a lemon!!(yes wash the damn dishes with a lemon, don't get smart with me.) 13. Do you like being asked random questions? Yes, it's fun and makes me feel interesting. 14. What cereal did you eat most as a kid? Kix and peanut butter crunch. And Cheerios. 15. Two months from now, do you think your life will be different than it is now? Yes? I will be in new classes, hopefully in counseling, Austin will live close, I'll be a driver. 16. What about six months from now? Yep, who knows what'll be up. Hopefully I'll be graduated. 17. If you had twins, a boy and a girl, what would their names be? Oh this question is for me! Aidan and Nadia, you like how it's a palindrome? Heck yes it is!! I like the name aidan by itself tho, i am not that partial to nadia, it just matches aidan. I could name a girl dean, but I hate Madison and Kayla. I would name a girl like, Opal, Pearl, or some weird old lady name:) 18. What surveys do you like to fill out the most? This is the only one I have done. 19. Do you hate it when people ask you why you're mad when you're not at all? I wish people would ask me! I guess I never seem mad enough for anyone to come ask me. Usually by the time someone has asked, it is obvious that I am actually mad. People ask me "what's wrong?" before when nothing was, it doesn't bother me. When I'm not expressly controlling my face, it makes a worry face by itself. 20. Think of one person you care about. What question would you ask them if you could ask them anything right now? I can already ask anyone anything. I guess, "Marian, do you still love me?" (Comment on this)
Monday, December 12th, 2005
4:31 am	Feeling active....sorta I had planned to lie in bed and think of what to do. What I need to do is start drawing. But for some reason, I can't bring myself to do it. I need to do all kinds of stuff. And I just don't wanna. I told matt I was going to open a cafe/massage parlor/carpentry shop and be a teacher. I want to do some variation of all of those things. Although I'm having trouble finding the motivation to pass school so that I can do -any- of these things. Notice that none of those included being an actor. I really want to be one. I just don't think it's the best use of my time on earth maybe? I need a hot Barrymore injection. Eric has the nicest hug. Tho he is but wee, he haseth a good hug. I got austin good christmas juju at the mall. I totally found him four things on a whim, running an errand for my mom in a store i hadn't planned to go to. Hopefully he likes the stuff and it works. Also, while we were in and out of grocery and dollar stores, I totally put together an admirable grocery bag of all the snacks i could find that I know he likes. My boy has good taste (who in the world...nerds rope?) I just don't know what to get his family. Why the hell am I so obsessed with christmas presents??!! Aaaahh!!! A two hour shift is redunkulus. I'm calling Angela to change that. Silly. However, work is getting easier slightly because people just want a present, and they want it now. Little kids are loud, and they are the devil. I just emailed my professors about my crazy ass class situation and Erin the feminist about going to a feminist convention in D.C. over christmas break. It sounds awesome. We would go for like a week. It's to protest the new Supreme Court Justice Alito's stance on Affirmative action, but most of all I'm going for Abortion rights. Nobody better lay a finger on my Roe v. Wade. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
4:46 pm	The Snozzberries.....they don't taste like anything i think sleep deprivation is at the root of your not wanting food so much. when i taste things now, it's like i'm putting a memory in my mouth, like a sausage biscuit on disc. it's not the same. it's drier. i don't know if it's the cold or the lack of sleep but i can feel all my juices running to my core. i saw this crazy extreme stuff show where this family got lost in the frozen tundra or something for several days because they got out of their car in a storm. why? I don't know, I missed the first few minutes, so now i don't know how to feel about these people in the freezing. they never said why they got out of the car again on the show, just as i suspected, probably a dumb reason. but yeah, so the baby was really still and the mom thought he might be dead, but he wasn't. All of his blood ran into his center to stay warm. that's what i feel like now. but the food i eat, it's like rocks going in, my mouth doesn't process it. here anyways. all the food in atlanta tasted amazing. Three Cheers for Taco Cabana!! i think it needs to be "our place" maybe. I could lay down in all the soft (FLOUR!) tortillas. and the queso...the fajita part was whatever, but those tortillas. maybe it tasted better because i can't taste macon food right now. even when i went to the bears den weeks ago!! having works be due and feeling guilty about them must shut down your tastebuds also. I'm so lame, I want to make austin dinners and have a key and be at his apt to surprise him with niceness while he's at work. how gay is that? supa gay, I know. i'm focusing more on that fun stuff now that i am on my actual work. I know he thinks about me but he doesn't let it get in the way of his stuff. or he doesn't tell me. I find myself fudging about how I'm doing to cover. Another teacher recommended to me that I get counseling. Okay? I guess it's time to bite the bullet and get my talk on. (1 Comment |Comment on this)